Captain Drak's Fanfiction
RUINED FEDERATION STARSHIP. SCENES OF MASS DESTRUCTION VISIBLE ON THE VIEWSCREEN CAPTAIN : It's over! The Borg mothership is through our defenses! The Alpha quadrant is lost! OPS OFFICER : Captain! A ship has just warped in. Daedalus class. The SS Battleaxe. CAPTAIN : Daedalus? Command must be playing for time to evacuate if they're throwing junkheaps at the enemy. TO BRIDGE OF DRAK'S SHIP BORG ON VIEWSCREEN : We are the borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is fu- DRAK : Yeah?.From here it looks like the only resistance going to be futiled is yours, you son of a bitch ! LOOKS FROM BRIDGE CREW DRAK : Viewscreen off! Red Alert! OPS OFFICER: We're already at red alert, sir DRAK : EYES SQUINT Then go to razzle dazzle red alert. OPS : Aye captain! GOES DARKROOM RED, WITH GLITTERY, SHINY JJ ABRAMS HIGHLIGHTS AND FLARES DRAK : Prepare for sphere separation! Everyone to the battle bridge! ROLLS TO THE LEFT OPS : This is the battle bridge, sir. Also, the only bridge on the ship. DRAK AND DUSTING SELF OFF : Then I can see this crew is loyal to the end. I thank you all for not leaving. COMPUTER! COMMENCE SPHERE SEPARATION! AUTHORISATION 2-DRAK-2-QUIT. AND WORRIED LOOKS FROM BRIDGE CREW TO BRIDGE OF RUINED SHIP CAPTAIN : What the? The ship is sphere separating! I didn't even know that model was capable... RANDOM ENSIGN : That must be Captain Drak's ship! OPS : Drak? If the rumours are true, that crazy space pirate filled the sphere section with enough unstable warp cores to tear a hole in the multiverse right through to nega-space! CAPTAIN : And it looks like he's on a collision course with the Borg mothership... TO ULTRA WIDE SHOT OF SPHERE SECTION WITH COMICAL BOMB FUSE SLOWLY DRIFTING THROUGH THE CHAOS TOWARDS BORG MOTHERSHIP TO BRIDGE OF DRAK'S SHIP RUNNING AROUND IN CHAOS, SCREAMING THEY DON'T WANT TO DIE STANDS PROUDLY, WATCHING THE VIEWSCREEN AS THE SPHERE DRAWS CLOSER TO THE BORG MOTHERSHIP TO ECU OF DRAK'S SMILING FACE, THE NEXT GENERATION THEME PLAYING IN HIS HEAD BACK TO CREW SCREAMING AS COMPUTER PANELS EXPLODE AND THE SHIP ROCKS WIDE SHOT AS THE FUSE REACHES ITS END WHILE THE SPHERE CONNECTS TO RUINED SHIP CAPTAIN DEJECTED : Looks like the rumours were false. The bomb didn't go off. TO DRAK'S SHIP LOOKING CONFUSED OPS : W...we didn't explode into dark-tachyon particles? DRAK : HA HA HA! The real bomb...Was me! Open a comm channel to the Borg queen. CALMLY SLIDES ON MINIATURE BAT'LETH KNUCKLE DUSTERS DRAK DRAMATICALLY AT BORG QUEEN : My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; Look on my works, ye mighty, and DRAKSPAIR ! LAUNCHES HIMSELF INTO THE VIEWSCREEN AND THROUGH THE BORG SHIP OF BORG QUEEN'S FACE AS DRAK'S SLOW MOTION BAT'LETH FISTS CONNECT OF BATTLEFIELD. AUDIO GOES SILENT FOR A MOMENT, BEFORE A SPECTACULAR EXPLOSION FILLS THE SCREEN SETTLES, REVEALING THE ENTIRE BORG FLEET IN TATTERS OF FEDERATION CREWS CHEERING STANDS ALONE, ON THE OUTER HULL OF THE SPHERE, LIKE A BADASS DRAK : All in a day's Drak. TO CREDITS - AC/DC'S BACK IN DRAK PLAYS --- POST CREDIT STINGER --- DRAK AND CRACKS HIS NECK: Computer, End program shimmers and turns off, Drak walks off Whistling eye of the Tiger